Gradually figure out that she meets your high standard
Since having a high standard correlates with being a high-value guy, having a high standard is an attractive behavior. Let’s see how to apply that insight in your text game. But first, let’s understand how an average guy’s standard affects his dating behavior.
Imagine an average guy sitting on a park bench. Suddenly, a random ugly-looking girl walks by and he briefly makes eye contact with her. The guy has only watched this girl for a few seconds, so of course he hasn’t learned about most her qualities yet, such as:
- How she usually dresses
- Her personality
- Her interests
- Her values
- Her intelligence
- Her sense of humor
- What she’s looking for
- Whether she wants to have kids
And yet by this point, he will have managed to form a ballpark estimate of her dating-worthiness, represented by the pink region in the graph below.
You can see that the pink region covers a lot of distance on the horizontal “Worthiness” axis. That’s because our average guy, after a brief glimpse of an ugly girl, still has a lot of uncertainty about how date-worthy she is. If he were to get to know her, and learn the answers to questions like the ones above, then his opinion of the girl’s date-worthiness would gradually increase in precision and certainty. The pink region in the graph would become narrower and taller.
But the pink region he has right now, as wide as it is, still fits entirely to the left of his “good enough” bar. Despite all his uncertainty about the ugly girl’s date-worthiness, our average guy has already concluded that she won’t be up to his standard. So average guys don’t care at all about ugly girls.
How about when a hot girl walks by our average guy on his park bench? Again, a brief glimpse is all it takes for our average guy to form a ballpark estimate of her date-worthiness.
This time, almost the entire pink area is to the right of his “good enough” bar. Our average guy thinks there’s about an 80% chance that this hot girl is good enough for him, so his subconscious mind is already saying “Yes” to her. He’d have to discover lots of negative qualities to change his verdict from “Yes” to “No”, which is possible but unlikely. So he’s already sold.
Hot girls don’t want a guy who’s immediately sold on them for any reason, especially not for their looks. If you treat a girl like you saw her as “good enough” from the moment you saw her, she’ll think you’re an average guy with an average standard. And their standard is higher than that.
But how should you act when you meet a hot girl?
Some people think you should treat a hot girl exactly like you’d treat an ugly girl, i.e. not care about her at all. That’s wrong. Because while most guys see zero chance that an ugly girl is up to their standard, even a high-value guy will see at least a small chance that a hot girl is up to his standard. In the graph below, the high-value guy is putting a modest amount of pink area to the right of his “good enough” bar.
The clock in the corner represents “right after meeting the girl”. At this point in time, not only is the high-value guy uncertain about the girl’s date-worthiness, he’s also uncertain which side of the “good enough” bar the girl will end up on.
Now let’s say the high-value guy spends more time with the girl, and discovers a number of qualities about her that are mostly positive – e.g. she’s funny and she has good self-control. Now his beliefs about her date-worthiness look like this:
At this point, our high-value guy thinks this hot girl is more than 50% likely to be worth dating. But don’t forget there’s still also a big chance that she’s not worth dating. A high-value guy would be feeling a growing interest level in this girl, but he’s definitely not sold on her yet.
Now if the trend continues – he keeps spending time with her, and he keeps discovering mostly-positive qualities about her – then his beliefs about her date-worthiness will eventually look like this:
A girl’s dream is to attract a high-value guy. And subconsciously, she longs for that attraction process to play out in a certain way. The last three graphs form a time-series visualization of how a budding attraction plays out in the mind of a typical high-value guy. If you want to be the guy of her dreams, study them well.
As promised, here’s how to apply these insights to your game. When you first meet a hot girl, let her see how uncertain you are about whether she’s good enough for you. Then, over time, you can discover her positive qualities and feel more confident that she meets your high standard. She’ll relish this process, and be turned on by it.
Your standard and the best you can do
How many times have you heard people say:
- “She’s not up to his standard”
- “She’s the best he can do”
As a guy, your standard determines whether a girl is worth your time and energy to be with, as opposed to being alone. But what determines your standard? Think about it for a moment.
The answer is that you subconsciously picture the best you can do, i.e. the highest-value girl you could ever hope to get. Then you adjust that bar down to a slightly lower-value girl that you could realistically get, and that’s your standard.
Notice how the graphs visualize this well-known truth about the dating market:
- High-value girls are less attainable,
- but every girl is more attainable to a high-value guy,
- so high-value guys have high standards.